Torment

I know I am still skipping my posts for Mexico thinking I am gonna do worthy of them… In the meantime (even before hand) our family suffered a loss. Who was sort of precious to us. He is the Da of my uncle`s wife. My uncle`s wife used to be simply “B” like a sister for me so everything was different; with recent developments; she is not anymore.

• the issue is, when we paid for my uncle`s tax debt and interest and all, he requested proof from my brother. My brother paid my debt because I am not that 5 digit rich… You cannot do that and then message me telling you miss me. (My uncle made me in charge removing him from all of the places of authorithy leaving me with responsibility at the age of 18 – because he was gonna lose his company to his LOVER)
• in the middle of all of these, there is 5% chance my aunt (wife of my uncle) does not know what the hell is going on and not intervening or commenting or acknowledging what`s happening.

Before my last holiday to my homeland, I have remembered; because of my uncle, me being stupid and noone watching over me (signing all stupid documents when I was just 18-20) I am still not in the clear of 5 years of the mandatory, how do you call it? additional jailtime, i need to stay off the same crime; I have been sentenced already with tax/invoice fraud and stuff because of my uncle and his company. Noone, absolutely noone, noone in the whole of the family, acknowledged that, commented on that. If there was any other mistake I have missed being a rookie, I would have +5 years in jail because I was found guilty before I moved to BE.

I want to cry right now. *editing edition, i am crying, cuz it is not fair and i am hurting and i cannot share this with noone noone will get me* My family, whole big family, gossips or shares everything with each other. How many know that I am trying to get an EU citizenship next year, an EU passport; my time might not be over because I was sick for 1, for 2 it was only 1 week between the court and my flight to BE. My record is clean, it doesnt appear, until I do another crime as such… Stillllll… I HAVE BEEN SENTENCED, FOR A CRIME, I WAS NOT AWARE AND I WAS PLACED BY MY OWN UNCLE AND MY AUNT SAID NOT 1 SINGLE WORD ABOUT IT. 5+ years on top … and i still have nightmares because I was not able to call her about her deceased father.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?

her mama, I worshipped. Last summer I spent whole day planting pretty flowers on her grave. I dont care if i hear anyting as long as she is fine on the otherside and her daughter feels ok seeing her grave.

I still have not heard a word.

I am not selfish. But when for my debt of 70k, my brother comes front and does the payment; my uncle asks for proof, then messages me that he misses me; I can no longer communicate with them. I blame me being always “white or black”. I do not have grays. You cannot have a problem solved by my brother cuz he has the money and claim it is false and ask for documents for proof. yeah as of now, I am crying, how the hell can he ask for proof from him and next message me he misses me and asks me when I am coming home? my brother is litterally my life, he is the reason i have seen 36. Un-believable how some people just dont see or understand.

all my life i ADORED HIM. I adored my uncle, cuz he was there when my fucking father left me and my mum all alone when i was 17-18. (other uncle was so passive, silent) It does not make it acceptable the way he treats my brother where in the world my brother is the 1 thing I care about. 1 main thing let me revise. Not to mention my brother got into a fight with his wife, understandably, because of this shit. he should not have had to pay for this. BE should not have paid me extra tax back. than should not have asked me to pay back 2K back. Then maybe I could do at least part of my 70k Local liras = 4300 euros… imagine…

If i wanna cry and use an excuse to just stop, I have millions of them. But what above I have told you about. not many knows and not many I can explain. in my world, my friends think the debt is for the person…

based on all above, I am not a person.

I`m not here.

This isn’t happening.

this IS happening no matter what you do

I hate the seasonal shit. My bupropion still keeps me alive. Let me know if you need any nudge, I do not mind nudging. Being nudged should be bad. It is like a clock alarm…

Keep Safe, I dont care about keeping sane obvv 🙂