the car is gone

i have been biking to the office since end january. folding e-bike. heavy af. i paid the loan so i am sorta happy. finally i have money left in my bank account at the end of the month. we are going on another holiday together …

It`s been a while

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=araU0fZj6oQ I have been trying to adjust, not freak out I might say. with the lower dose of welbutrin I fear i might even get worse and stilizan x2 is not making any difference and quetiapine at night is ruining my days too, my brain …

I just ate 4 donuts in 2 minutes, drunk driving from a grocery store back home

because i have been drinking since 13h00. i entered home, evanescence was playing, i bursted in tears. in loud screaming tears. for 1 moment, i thought, feeling i can end it all, made me feel safe, at ease. in some sort of control? I am …

Man plans, god laughs, they said

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8H7O-1RBKY&ab_channel=R%C3%9CF%C3%9CSDUSOL barely keeping my head above the water personally, wellbutrin 450 mg doesnt even seem to be enough these days. “Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht” Probably last year, before the baby news, while I was shitfaced drunk and high, dancing around with Rufus Du Sol, I …

Sincerely

I do not believe that I was serious, but i burst into tears this time for feeling OK, for feeling good where I am, feeling "well done Mary" first time ever, I can remember for long time. It was not pure euphoria but i was …

Another month another therapy session

i told my therapist i am drinking less because of my last fuck up, drunken driving and ruining my car, told him i havent done shit all month, (well i have seen tool but man...) i told him i am taking the highest dose ever …

i went and sought for help.

it has been a busy week, fast one. I went to a psych hospital saying i cannot get any dr here, they told me they`d prefer if i admit myself for a period of time so they can track my drinking, new meds and its …