Lately I`ve been

I’m not feeling like myself, or is this what myself has become and my OK self was a fake version of me? Taking the max dosage of my anti depressants but still… Looking at my place, thinking what I am doing. Looking at my place, …

Just need to …

I claim I like being alone, I got used to it and I do not want to change it. You know, expectations and heartbreaks is what follows. I also ended up admitting that “I do not want to do this alone anymore” – this being …

It`s been a while

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=araU0fZj6oQ I have been trying to adjust, not freak out I might say. with the lower dose of welbutrin I fear i might even get worse and stilizan x2 is not making any difference and quetiapine at night is ruining my days too, my brain …

I just ate 4 donuts in 2 minutes, drunk driving from a grocery store back home

because i have been drinking since 13h00. i entered home, evanescence was playing, i bursted in tears. in loud screaming tears. for 1 moment, i thought, feeling i can end it all, made me feel safe, at ease. in some sort of control? I am …

Dear Frankie

I do not know why, but you also needed your dad who had you become deaf, you accepted a stranger instead knowingly. You were way grown up compared to many of us. I cannot get over the fact that I keep repeating, parents ruin us. …

Man plans, god laughs, they said

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8H7O-1RBKY&ab_channel=R%C3%9CF%C3%9CSDUSOL barely keeping my head above the water personally, wellbutrin 450 mg doesnt even seem to be enough these days. “Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht” Probably last year, before the baby news, while I was shitfaced drunk and high, dancing around with Rufus Du Sol, I …

ungrateful s`onofab`tch

Archive released a new album. I decide to hold on, hang around a while longer. Weather is nice, summer is nigh, why not have another holiday or two before I get depressed and suicidal again? Then bad news start raining, thankfully not directly for me, …

I hate myshelf

I have been drinking and driving again. I have had a horrible experience last Saturday, i drove in the wrong direction, i stopped/blocked the battery of my car because i was so pissed i was heeling on the gas and the breaks and the reverse …

Labrinth

So I told you I binge watched Euphoria? yeah, I spent weeks listening to the soundtrack playlist on #spotify and now I am loop listening to the songs of Labrinth. like: Mount Everest ain't got shit on me'Cause I'm on top of the world or …

here i am

hellooo so. it feels like a forever for me but i think i crashed to burn and rose back within 10-15 days? to be fair, i did not really crash and burn per se, i just freaked out maybe? i mentioned i seeked help, then …