so. it feels like a forever for me but i think i crashed to burn and rose back within 10-15 days?
to be fair, i did not really crash and burn per se, i just freaked out maybe? i mentioned i seeked help, then a mobiel krisis team started visiting me and then cancelling 1 out of my 2 week holiday, i went back to see my old doctor in Istanbul. (before I left here she already made me start using Rivotril more regularly, which was sweet I will not argue about it).
so i stopped drinking since then.
then in istanbul, dr got me started on ketya / quetiapine, but the dosage was too high i fell asleep before I could continue using Rivotril, which got me into tripping like high on other sorts of pills lol. she says i went thru withdrawal (I was taking 1/4 in the morning + welbutrin, and 1 full in the evening cause I could not sleep). Like I said, I had 6 pm 400 mg Ketya XR and blacked out immeditately. so my whole week in istanbul is a mash up of halucinations, sleep and nightmares in lymbo?
Well, now I am off Welbutrin, still not smoking, let`s see, only continuing Ketya.
She insisted I took a 2nd Ketya as 200 mg but again, they knock me out I Cannot wake up in the morning, even if I can I cannot talk to people cause my tongue gets paralised inside my mouth. Slur is the correct verb to describe it I think. I sound like I am drunk. oh and I had crazy cravings for sweets but not sure if it was alcohol withdrawal or side effects of stupid quetiapine.
To sum up, I am not drinking, not so much high on ketya or rivotril anymore, still sleepy too early in the evening and still having hard time waking up, but I STOPPED CRYING! my crying trips are over. even with my period, I had my period 1 day later than regular and not much cramping and absolutely no fucking crying!
the way my dr prescribed this Ketya to me was so utopic, I told her the same, she agreed but I think there is more to see in time with these pills. i have my reservations on the side, expecting any time I feel even higher I`ll stop with the pills go back to drinking anyway. for now, i`m just me without my tears or tantrums against stupid people. ahh, she told me I am manic, mixed state = dysphoric as the contrary to euphoric. I was aware I was not depressed, anxious instead but dysphoria, had no idea. sweet eh? i`m manic but not the cool kind lol
i still have to come up with a smart reason to explain why I cannot drink these days, to Dirk, to my colleagues and to my alcoholic (male version of me) boss 🙂
oh suprisingly, one of the reasons making me crash, my line manager, he knows about me anxiety problems, he gave me 4 weeks off as of 2nd week of January. 1 month. I have no fucking clue what to do but yeah I`ll be in istanbul anyway. maybe I want to visit Cyprus, but we`ll see about that later.
Mobiel krisis team stopped visiting as I am comparatively better and last date for them was normally next Monday anyway. I can still call but they`ll not be visiting anymore.
Merry X-mas if you celebrate, if not happy holidays 🙂 i`ll try to have some lemonade and not smoke at least till 2022.
bipolar surfing between mood waves 